Catching Up

It's been two months already since my last post. I honestly have no idea what to talk about in this entry. I just felt the need to update my blog. Although I'm currently preoccupied with duty requirements, long tests, and exams, there are still certain things that I can't seem to get off my head. I still need more time maybe. But anyhow, I would like to believe that I'm doing so much better now. Even though I'm not really good at the art of ignoring and keeping calm in faulty situations, but I'm doing my very best to do so (and hey, it's kind of working actually). I have decided to handle every situation that is happening in my life right now smartly, such as behaving with class and keeping in mind the important values that my family and my friends have inculcated in me. Basically, just trying to focus on the good vibes and disregarding the negative ones. Nothing is ever impossible with God and time. Hold on and keep the faith. :)

[Too Bothered To Even Think Of A Decent Title]

Note: I do not intend to promote this blog entry because I think that it's too personal and dramatic. I made this just for the sake of letting out [somehow] some of the burden inside me.

I am, once again, for the nth time, bothered. To be honest, I would rather be bothered by my grades than graver things in life. I'm not being ungrateful for my grades though, and I'm not belittling other people's feelings about their grades as well and trying to imply that it is something not to worry about; but in my case right now, I would have to admit that being troubled by my grades is far way better than the serious things in life.

I feel being left behind again. It seems like I'm always the last person in line. I know that I've asked God several times to lengthen my patience and strengthen even more my faith in Him, but [God], does it have to be this challenging and heart-breaking? I feel like giving up already. Seriously. Even by just merely thinking of those piled up problems makes me want to surrender right now. As in now. But still, I will try my best to give those problems a good fight. And I will make sure that victory will eventually be mine and the final laugh, too. *trying to be positive here*

P.S. Yes, I'm still not over some things in my life, but I'm working on it though. As much as I would like to end it all up already, I'm taking all the time I need to make sure that when I say "I'm over it," I'm really over it without any pretensions at all. Although I may not be over it yet, but I don't want to become a fool anymore.

So. Yeah. Whatever.

Ampalaya Is A Veggie, Not An Ugali

MGA BABALA AT PAALALA:

• ANG BLOG ENTRY NA ITO AY NAGTATAGLAY NG MGA SAMU'T-SARING PAKSA. KUNG SA IYONG PALAGAY AY HINDI MO KAKAYANIN, MAS MAINAM NA HUWAG MO NANG IPAGPATULOY ANG PAGBABASA.
• ANG MGA TINUTUKOY NG BLOGGER SA ENTRY NA ITO AY ANG KALAHATAN. MULI, KUNG SA IYONG PALAGAY AY IKAW ANG TINUTUKOY, ITO AY HINDI SINASADYA AT WALANG PANANAGUTAN ANG BLOGGER...PATI NA RIN PAKI-ALAM. 
• KUNG SAKALI MANG IPINAGPATULOY MO ANG PAGBABASA, BAHALA KA NA SA BUHAY MO KUNG ANO ANG PAGKAINTINDI MO SA BLOG ENTRY NA ITO. TUTAL NAMAN, MATANDA KA NA AT NASA HUWASTONG PAG-IISIP.
• HIGIT SA LAHAT, HINDI ITO ISANG PASARING.

***

Nagtapos ako ng high school with honors. Siguro nga matalino ako: sa pag-aaral, oo, pero pagdating sa ibang larangan ng buhay, hindi ko masasabi. Marami-rami na rin ang mga napagdaan ko sa buhay -- syempre, pinaghalu-halong saya at lungkot. Marami na rin ang nakapagsabing suplado at malakas ang loob ko, pero hindi pa siguro nila ako lubos na kilala, hindi nila alam na, gaya rin ng isang normal na tao, nasaktan na rin ako nang maraming beses. Gayunpaman, ako ay lubos na nagagalak sa mga aral na aking nakuha sa mga ibat-ibang klaseng pangyayari sa buhay ko. Ikanga, "Experience is the best teacher."

Sa aking pananaw, ito ang semester na kung saan maraming akong na-realize at natutunan sa buhay:

• Bawal ang mahina. Nagkalat sa aking paligid ang mga taong handang i-take advantage ang aking kahinaan. Yung iba pa nga halatang nananadya eh. Hindi ko nalang sinasabi kasi ayaw ko namang basagin ang trip nila. Ayaw ko rin namang ipagkait ang kaligayahan nila. Hindi ako nagpapaapi kundi nagiging mabait lang. Isa pa, dapat nga akong maging masaya hindi ba dahil pinagkakaabalahan pa nila na guluhin ang akala-nilang-miserable kong buhay despite sa pagiging busy nila sa kani-kanilang buhay. At alam ko na mapapagod din sila balang-araw. Sila na nga ang nag-aksaya ng oras, sila pa ang nalinlang, at, sa huli, sila pa ang napagod. Kawawa naman pala sila at hindi ako. Ganyan talaga siguro kapag wala kang magawang matino sa buhay mo na sa sobrang walang saysay (sense), nangingi-alam ka nalang sa buhay ng may buhay. Sa ngayon, pinagwawalang pansin ko nalang ang ganyang klaseng mga tao. Oh sige, para hindi naman masyadong bitter pakinggan, nginingiti-an ko nalang sila. :)

• "Matalino man daw ang matsing, naiisahan din." Isa sa mga nakakaasar na bagay ay yung pakiramdam na naisahan ka. Alam kong gustong-gusto mong makaganti pero relax muna. Ikanga, "Never make decisions when you are angry." At isa pa, huwag mong ipahalata na affected ka. Ikaw lang ang lugi. Magpasalamat ka nalang na nangyari na at natapos na. Gamitin mo nalang ang pangyayaring iyon para i-evaluate ang iyong sarili kung saan ka nagkulang at nagkamali para the next time you will face the same situation, alam na alam mo na kung ano ang mga dapat gawin. Try to squeeze something good out from every situation - be it good or bad - in your life. Lakad lang nang lakad. Bahala na kung trying hard ka sa paningin nila, eh wala naman talagang mangyayari sa buhay mo kung hindi ka mag-ta-try hindi ba. :)

• Mag-ingat kung kanino mo ibibigay ang iyong tiwala sa mga issues ng buhay mo. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko sa previous blog entry ko, mabibilang lang ang mga taong tunay na nagmamalasakit sa iyo. Marami ang willing na makinig sa iyong problema pero, sad to say, baka hanggan doon lang talaga sila. Sayang lang ang tiwala na ibinigay mo sa kanila at sinayang din nila ang opportunity na pagkatiwalaan ng isang tao. Ang sarap kaya sa feeling na pagkatiwalaan ka ng isang tao tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay, personal man o hindi, sa kanyang buhay. Siguro, baka nakaligtaan lang ng mga magulang nila na i-emphasize ang kahalagahan ng respeto sa isang tao. :)

• Huwag bitter. Syempre, at some point, hindi natin maiiwasan maging bitter, tao lang din naman tayo. Pero sadyang may mga mapagpanggap na tao: hindi raw bitter pero halata naman sa kilos. "Actions speak louder than words," mga ate at kuya (pansin ko lang, ang hilig ko mag-quote). May pa-"Do not do unto others blah blah..." pa kayong nalalaman, hindi niyo naman pala kayang i-walk ang talk niyo. Moving on, huwag tayong bitter dahil tayo lang din ang lugi sa huli. Huwag natin i-stress ang mga sarili natin sa mga walang kwentang bagay. Mag-focus nalang tayo sa mga great things na naiwan [at nagpaiwan] sa atin. Ang sarap maging masaya. :)

It may be difficult at first, but I believe that sooner or later there will come a point that all the sadness and mourning will eventually end, and we will learn to accept what happened and move on with our precious lives. :)

"To love is to will for the good of another." - RS, part of question no. 12

Stones From Heaven

Watch out, it's raining stones! Be careful not to get hit hard though.

As the Earth completes another successful rotation, the world is getting filled up slowly with so much insincerity and inconsistency. This cruel phenomenon results to a drastic reduction - almost to extinction - of the population of trustworthy people. Due to this very alarming turn of events, one must master the art of deciphering precisely. Unlike any other skills to master, this does not consume so much time for the moment you discover [and prove] a person's unreliability, that person belongs automatically to those who you should trust with your life issues less [or not at all].

And so, even if I'm afraid to admit, maybe this almost used up quote was right after all: "Be careful who you tell your problems to, most just want to know the story and the rest are glad you have them."

Let's Play A Game

Snake and Ladders used to be one of my favorite board games when I was younger. I'm sure most of you know the mechanics of the game already. Well actually, I enjoy and hate it at the same time, here's why:

Basically, your fate depends on the number the dice shows. As much as you want to take control over it, you simply cannot. Unfortunately, it all depends on pure luck and nothing else.

Ladders. Oh the joy that ladders bring. They give you the boost that you need in the game. They make the game easier to win, easier to say, "I'm almost there!" But sadly, there are few ladders as compared to the snakes.

Snakes. Watch out - just when you thought that you're almost there - the snake is there and ready to eat you all up and pull you down. Hence, you have no other choice but to roll the dice up and start moving forward all over again. It sucks, isn't it? Well, you just have to deal with it because it is really designed to be part of the game. You just have to be brave enough to start from the very beginning.

Sometimes, it is better to play the game slowly yet surely. You may not be getting boosts from the ladders, but at least somehow you are moving forward and trying to face the snakes along the way. Soon enough, you would not even notice that you have gotten to where you wanted to be in already. And it is more rewarding, I should say, because you really did a lot of hard work to be able to reach the end.

The Temporary Happiness

Aside from the warmth, it provides me the comfort that I have been longing for from you.

It is quite loose, but I do not mind for it perfectly covers my upper body, as if it is you hugging me.

Its color may be dull, but it somehow does brighten up my mood.

Its distinct aroma that reminds me of you.

It may just be a normal thing for many, but they do not know how much it means to me.

It somehow gives me the assurance that you are here with me and will always be.

So, let me be embraced by this temporary happiness.

The Unexpected

I was happy with my life until one day, I encountered these:

an unripe mango,

a piece of rock,

an expensive diamond,

and a lawyer with a kind heart.

An unripe mango. I was hurriedly running after somebody. I was heading towards the corner of the street, almost ready to turn right, but I accidentally bumped into somebody. I asked for an apology, not even minding who that person was. My attention was caught by this very huge tree. The tree bore bountiful, bright yellow, heart-shaped mangoes. But what caught my attention even more was this single, light green, still heart-shaped mango. Judging from its looks, it was still unripe. I was amazed how it stood up among those ripe mangoes. It was unique, definitely. I could not resist to pick it. As fast as my mouth was salivating, I peeled the mango then excitedly took a bite. It tasted sour, very sour. I spit it out to the ground. My fault – I guess it was just not ready to be picked from the tree yet.

A piece of rock. As I turned my face to the ground, I saw a piece of rock. It was not too big nor was it too small. Unlike any other rock, it was white – as if it was never been soiled. I touched it, then knocked on it. I decided to kick it a little, then kicked it a little harder, then even harder. But it did not move nor show any cracks. It was really hard. And it was as numb as you could ever imagine.

An expensive diamond. My attention was diverted again. I noticed that the person I bumped into earlier was still there, standing, observing my every actions. But before I finally glanced at that person's face, I noticed that that person was wearing an authentic diamond ring. I could not help to stare at it for a couple of seconds. It was glistening so brightly. But just like any other brightness, it brought pain to my eyes, tears almost fell down, but luckily I was able to hold it in.

A lawyer with a kind heart. I immediately looked away from the diamond ring. It was too much for my eyes to handle already. Then I heard somebody asked if I was okay. It was the person I bumped into earlier. I pretentiously said that I was okay and that I can still handle the burning pain in my eyes. The person asked for an apology, but I said that it was not necessary. The person was actually kind and understanding, although it was really my fault in the first place. We chatted for a while, then parted ways right after without any formal goodbyes. Then as I continued walking, I remembered that the person mentioned about being a lawyer. “But lawyers are great liars,” I sadly pondered. Nevertheless, I was still hoping that that person I bumped into earlier was different from all the lawyers I had known out there.

Until our paths meet again.